Don’t let your budget break up your friendship

Published on 28th November, 2024 at 08:49 am

Having a different budget to your friends or family can be uncomfortable at the best of times. But, like many other relationship issues, holidays and travelling can amplify the issue.

Reading time: 3 minutes

In this article, you will learn:

• Why having a different budget for your friends or family is so stressful.
• How to come to terms with that stress.
• Practical tips for approaching the topic and setting boundaries.

It’s not unusual for people to have vastly different budgets from their friends or family. In fact, a study by CreditKarma found that 40% of millennials have gone into debt just to keep up with their peers.

Find the root of your budget stress

“Income and possessions are often associated with success and status,” explains Brett Nydahl, a counselling psychologist. “That’s why if you’re earning a lower income, especially in comparison to your peers, it can make you feel inadequate.”

There’s another side to the coin: “There may be resentment on the part of the person with the higher income if they feel they’re always expected to pay more than their fair share, particularly if they perceive themselves as being more hard-working.”

If you’re feeling this, Nydahl suggests that you start by working at becoming more comfortable with your own situation: “Explore what success means to you. What have you achieved that is unrelated to money? If there’s shame, where does the shame come from? Are you trying to fulfil expectations that aren’t your own? Do you have ‘friends’ who undermine you when it comes to money or status? Or do you feel you haven’t reached your potential through your own doing?

Exploring the root of the discomfort helps you be more comfortable where you are financially.”

Find common ground

Once you’re comfortable with your own situation, consider your friendship or relationship with the other person. “What’s important to you and your friend or family member when you’re together?” asks Nydahl. “Is it about visiting that fancy restaurant, or is it about sharing a meal and time with each other? How can you budget for that?”

As difficult as it is, coming to that point means being upfront with your situation and having an open discussion with your friend or family.

But be mindful of your own assumptions before you enter into this conversation. “Those with more money may be unaware that you have different financial circumstances,” Nydahl says.

Set your boundaries

Once there is clear communication and you’re clear on your budget, set the boundaries of what you can afford.

“For example, if a pricey restaurant is chosen, mention beforehand that splitting the bill equally may not be within your budget, but that instead, you will choose affordable options.”

“And be proactive, particularly if travelling together,” advises Nydahl. “Do research into shared options, reasonable tourist attractions, and activities that don’t cost money but allow you to spend quality time.”

Lastly, your boundaries are only as strong as you maintain them. There are gentle ways to push back and remind your friends and family when they suggest something out of your budget. “Express that you aren’t in the position to comfortably afford that at the moment, and then suggest an alternative.

And remember, it’s also okay to spend a day doing different things, then meeting up later.”

BUDGET HACK: Get 100s of 2-for-1 deals on the Sanlam Group ENTERTAINER app.