The right way to ask for help

Last updated on 28th March, 2024 at 03:19 pm

Many people find it difficult to reach out when in need. Here’s how to do it and why it’s important for your personal growth.

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

In this article, you’ll learn:

• Why it is so difficult to ask others for help
• Why asking for help is also so important and can aid personal growth
• Ways to reward yourself when you ask for help

The juggling act of a busy work schedule and school holidays can have many of us trying to do it all, with a mixture of wins and fails. Despite sometimes needing it, a lot of people struggle to ask for help, whether it’s from friends or family or of the hired variety.

But why is it so difficult to ask for help? According to Telana Simpson, Founder and Courage Coach at Inner Coaching, it all boils down to the fear of exposing our vulnerability. “By not knowing what to do or not being able to cope in a moment, this becomes internalised and is identified with in such a way that people can feel like a failure,” she explains. Being perceived to be a burden, having trust issues or a fear of rejection can also play a role in our resistance to seek assistance.

By leaning on others, however, we can actually alleviate stress, grow our capacity and boost our mental health. As such, it’s time to stop trying to be the ultimate problem solver and allow yourself to reach out when times are tough.

“It is so important to develop the capacity to ask for help because it will prevent so much needless suffering,” says Simpson. “If we can get over feeling like we are a fraud or a failure for having to ask for help, then asking for it can be a wonderful resource that helps us to grow, develop and become better at whatever it is we are trying to achieve.”

Another benefit is that enlisting the aid of others can instantly reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. This is a good thing because, according to the Ipsos World Mental Health Day survey, released last year, over 70% of South Africans claimed that stress had impacted their lives to the point of not coping and 50% have experienced it so severely that they couldn’t go to work. So, anything that can contribute to less stress in our collective lives is a good thing!

Speaking up and reaching out

According to Simpson, there are ways to make asking for help easier.

• Ask yourself why

  “If you fear that people will judge you then maybe you need to question who it is you’re asking and maybe find someone else to get assistance from.”

• Have no expectations

  “Know that people can turn down your request, but you shouldn’t take it personally because you acknowledge that they may have other priorities.”

• Practice makes perfect

  “Anything we haven’t done much of before will feel awkward and clumsy at first. Confidence in asking for help comes with practice and experience.”

Because you’ve earned it

Strengthen your reaching-out muscle by rewarding yourself for ask-for-help breakthroughs.

• Take a break and engage in some necessary self-care so you can feel rested and restored.
• Take yourself on a date, either for a nice meal, a spa day or to take part in something you enjoy.
• Take a day off work, turn off your morning alarm (if possible) and sleep until you wake up. Bliss!

“Remember: the benefits of asking for help usually outweigh the discomfort that you might feel when you ask for it,” assures Simpson. There’s no need to suffer in silence.